David in the front of the Humber bridge, wearing a Brighton football shirt

Football offers me respite as a carer of my wife with dementia

Real stories

David's wife, Brenda, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2018. Here, he talks about how the couple tries to stay active following her diagnosis - including how going to football matches helps him as a carer.

David Goodwin
01 December 2022

Brenda and I have been together since she was 17 and I was 20. We lived around the corner from each other and have always been close. We married in 1974 and had a daughter in 1978, who we are very proud of.

We are very well travelled and have been to the Far East, across Europe, across USA and to visit family in Canada.

Brenda and David stood together smiling in a park

David and his wife, Brenda.

Spotting the first signs

Brenda, now 70, became the manager of a large transport company in the area in her early 50s, and that’s when I saw initial problems arise. She had a new manager, but Brenda was more qualified. There was a falling out and she was unfairly dismissed. We won a court case for unfair dismissal.

That affected Brenda’s confidence, and I started to notice memory problems kick in.

We decided to see the GP and they did a memory test, and she was referred back to the consultant.

We never had a real conversation with them about her diagnosis, they just sent a letter which didn’t offer much in the way of an understandable explanation.

From 2018 we understood that Brenda had Alzheimer’s disease.

Brenda sat on a sun bed on a beach

Brenda on one of her and David's many holidays, before the diagnosis.

Staying involved after diagnosis

Brenda has always done aerobics and keeps fit. She isn’t sporty, just likes exercise. She was involved with a local running club and trained to do the London marathon. Brenda is now a walker; it helps her anxiety. She loves to potter in the garden.

She is very aware of needing activities to fill her time. The shorter days over winter make things harder.

We are able to manage by ourselves, but there are some local people from Alzheimer’s Society who call for a catch-up from time to time. We’ve got some good friends who put themselves out to help us.

How football helps me as a carer

Going to watch Brighton play was a social thing with my friends, and from about 1980 I’ve had a season ticket and gone every week. I’ve got a group of friends I have been going with to watch Brighton for many years.

We used to travel all over the country to see them play away. I went to Liverpool last year, but it was a difficult experience to travel, and I didn’t get home until the early hours of the morning. It can be a quite time-consuming hobby.

David sat in a seat at Amex stadium

David is a huge Brighton fan, and continues to follow the team.

Brenda’s dad was the chairman of the Referee Association locally in Sussex, so that put her off football. Football has always been my thing, but I dragged her along occasionally. We liked to watch Peter Ward.

Football is an escape for me. Days are not easy, and those few hours at the football give you a chance to put the issues behind you for a few hours.

You come home on the coach and chat with everyone, and it gives you that respite.

Looking towards the future

It isn’t an issue going out for a few hours, and at the moment I don’t worry about Brenda when I’m out. But I don’t know how the condition will progress. Maybe sooner or later I will have to cut back – my daughter says she will help so I can continue to go as she knows how important it is to me. We muddle along.

We take each day as it comes – there is no great plan.

Sport should be unforgettable

Through our work with sport, Alzheimer's Society is making a difference for all people who, like David and Brenda, are affected by dementia.

Learn more
Categories
Support for carers
Back to top

3 comments

Lizzie
says
27 January 2023 at 9:37 am
My husband was diagnosed in March 2022 after years of tests. I managed a shop which I loved. Now I need to be at home to care for him. He needs help with medication, meals and snacks, appointments. On New Year’s Eve just after midnight was the first time he asked “who are you”? He has good and bad days but has sudden unpredictable tempers . Life is calmer when we live to a simple routine. I have no family in the near vicinity so it was difficult when I tripped at home during a dust day and broke my wrist. I had to have an operation to insert a metal plate. My husband was kept company by a friend that day and I was home in the afternoon but he reacted to my accident and was very confused and unsettled for a couple of weeks. We are happy together and he is very content. It’s teaching me to take each day at a time. Our two little dogs bring a lot of joy to our world which is tepidly shrinking. Even his diagnosis he was not sociable - a real home bird so groups and organised activities don’t appeal. I do have concerns about what would happen if I am hospitalised for a period of time so intend to try to put some sort of plan in place..
Alzheimer's Society
says
27 January 2023 at 11:37 am

Hi Lizzie, thanks for your comment. We're very sorry to hear about your husband's diagnosis. Please know we're here to support you.

It sounds like you may benefit from talking with other people affected by dementia for advice, tips and support. We have a dedicated online community called Talking Point where you can speak with others who have been or are currently in similar situations: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/dementia-talking-point-our-online-community

You can also talk to one of our expert dementia advisers, who can provide advice and guidance that's specific to your situation with your husband. You can call our support line on 0333 150 3456. (More details, including opening hours, are available here: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/dementia-connect-support-line)

We hope this helps, Lizzie. Please do call our support line.

 

Alzheimer's Society blog team

William mcfetridge
says
23 December 2022 at 11:58 pm
Like David, I am my wife's carer. Marion was diagnosed in 2017. We wernt given much detail from the consultant but realised that Marion had Alzhemisers. Which has become a lot worse. I have to guide her to the toilet, help her to change for bed, help her dress in the morn. Social worker calls on Fri. For two hrs to let me get shopping etc. I can leave Marion on her own for short periods to let me walk our dog Milo a Yorkshire terrior. He comes to my room and wakens me if Marion gets up and dresses during the night , he sleeps in her room . He has done this on several occasions. He is unbelievable.