How Arlene’s parents’ legacy inspires her to help others affected by dementia

My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s back in 2003, and for the first five years my father was her primary support. But then he had a stroke and was diagnosed with vascular dementia. 

As a family, we cared for our mum and learned a great deal about dementia. My dad had a second stroke, which left him with little mobility and unable to communicate well.

My mum also needed more nursing care, and so they both eventually became residents in a local nursing home – it was a good place.

I lived approximately 100 miles away and my children were still quite young. It was a challenging time. 

I really became part of the home’s team and worked closely with them. They provided various activities, but I learned a lot.

For example, what suited my mum but wouldn’t suit my dad. They were very close but had very different personalities. 

My father passed away in 2011, and my mum also passed away in 2016.

Something I could do 

When my parents died, I didn’t want to hear the word ‘dementia’ for a long time. But I met a nursing friend for coffee, and she told me about someone she knew who provided activities and therapeutic stimulation for people with dementia. 

I thought back to my mum and dad, and how maybe that’s something I could do. I put a few ideas together and began calling nursing homes.

I’d done a course for carers with Alzheimer’s Society, and I did other training in massage, aromatherapy and dance and movement. 

I started taking groups and one-to-one sessions and set up Wilmont Dementia Support, tailoring activities to suit individual personalities.

Things like quizzes or a ladies’ afternoon with tea and hand massages. Or spending time with a person and learning of their life and experiences before presenting them with a big red ‘This Is Your Life’ book.

It’s wonderful to reach a person, and it’s also their families who benefit. All you need is to harness something of interest to get that spark going.

Year on year progress 

I’ve become more involved with promoting Alzheimer’s Society’s work. I take part in legacy events, and I’d always encourage people to think about leaving the Society a gift in their will. 

Year on year we’re making progress in research. We’ve got to keep supporting it and unfortunately it comes down to money. 

The legacy my mother and father left me is the desire to help others. If I can help someone else who’s going through what we went through, then I consider it a privilege to do so. 

That’s what leaving a gift in your will does, it passes the help on to someone else, and what you’ve gone through hasn’t been in vain.