When a person with dementia doesn’t want to change their clothes or wash

If the person chooses not to wash as often as you would wash, you should respect their choices. However, try to make sure that they wash enough to reduce their risk of ill health.

If you feel they are refusing to wash because they are feeling low or depressed, then speaking to the person’s GP may help.

To prevent infection, the person’s bottom and genitals should be washed every day. Their face should also be washed every day to keep their skin clear. Encourage them to change their underwear daily and their other clothes regularly if you can.

Speak with their GP about any concerns you have about the person’s hygiene.

Tips to help a person with dementia change clothes or wash

• Try to work out why they are refusing to wash. For example, have they forgotten the steps needed to wash themselves or get dressed? Or do they think they have already had a bath or shower? Learn more about how dementia can change a person's perception.
• Check for physical problems that make washing or putting on clothes difficult.
• Try a bed bath if the person refuses a bath or shower. You can wash them with a wet sponge or cloth without them getting into a bath or under a running shower. Special bed bath wipes and cloths are available for this. Consider using a waterproof bed-bathing wrap to help with privacy, comfort and keeping the bed dry.
• Think about the timing. They may prefer to wash or dress at a different time in the day. Try to be flexible.
• Consider arranging external carers to carry out personal care. 
• Leave out clean clothes when the person is in the bath or shower, or when they go to bed. If they always want to wear the same clothes, it can be helpful to have a few of the same items.
• Encourage them to wash or change for certain occasions – for example, when someone is visiting or they are going out.
• Tell them how much you’d love to see them wear something new. They might enjoy going out or looking online to buy new clothes.

Dealing with distress

If the person becomes distressed or agitated, try changing the subject or distract them until they feel calmer. Then try again later. 

If the person becomes aggressive, walk away to keep yourself and the person safe. Speak to their GP if their behaviour is concerning and unsafe.

Getting help with washing and dressing from professional carers

Supporting someone with their personal care can be rewarding. Not only are you helping with their comfort and wellbeing, but chatting together and bonding can be an enjoyable time.

However, many carers who experience challenges and distress will consider asking professional carers to come to the home to help.

There are many care agencies that provide carers to help people with dementia with daily tasks – especially with personal care. They are usually trained in how to support a person to wash and dress.

It’s natural to have mixed emotions when deciding to use professional carers to support the person with intimate tasks.

While this decision can come with relief, it can also come with a feeling of guilt. Remember that by getting help you are putting the person’s health and safety first. This will enable you to provide care in many other meaningful ways.

How to arrange help from professional carers

The first step to arrange care is a ‘needs assessment’ through your local authority (your council). This is to see what support can be put in place. Be very clear about the person’s needs. If the person is eligible, then the support they need may be free of charge. 

If the person is not eligible for free support, the local authority can supply a list of local care agencies. You can contact agencies yourself and pay for care privately.

If you decide to use professional carers, the following tips can be helpful:

• Ask if the carers have been trained in dementia and how they deal with difficult situations.
• Share the person’s washing and dressing preferences with the care agency. These should be included in their care plan for the carers to follow.
• Communicate any cultural, religious or identity factors that can influence the way the person is supported to wash and dress.
• Explain any challenges you have encountered with supporting the person with personal care.
• Say if the person would feel more comfortable with a male or female carer.
• Ask about what products or equipment the carers need and what is provided by them.
• Ask if you can have the names or even photos of carers before visits to help reassure the person with dementia.

'This is me' leaflet

You may want to get a copy of our free 'This is me' leaflet. In it, you can write down details of the person’s mobility, routine, best communication method, preferences for support, and their likes and dislikes. This can help carers provide the best care possible.