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Book group: A love story
We hear what readers think about a memoir from a former Alzheimer’s Society service user whose wife had dementia.
Living with Alzheimer’s: A love story is Robin Thomson’s account of caring for his wife Shoko, who died in 2018. Through it, Robin – a former Alzheimer’s Society service user – describes their changing relationship, navigating care systems and the support of friends.
‘I enjoyed reading this candid, open and well written account of how Robin found the experience of living with his wife’s dementia,’ says Caroline Branney, who manages our Dementia Knowledge Centre.
Jane Nicholls in Wiltshire says, ‘The book is not a “heavy read” and I was able to identify with much of what was described.
‘The book acknowledges that one person’s experience will undoubtedly be different to another’s, but there are common themes and issues faced.’
Robin and Shoko lived and worked in India for 20 years before moving to London, and understanding something of their earlier lives added a valuable perspective for Lorna Ridgway, a reader in Buckinghamshire.
‘It was a privilege to read such a personal account of one couple’s life journey,’ says Lorna.
‘To hear about life before Alzheimer’s, to meet Robin and Shoko, their interesting lives and travels was invaluable. Continuing post diagnosis and as life changed, made me both laugh and cry.’
Another reader, P Kenley in Cumbria, says, ‘It’s a very emotive book and I can relate to much of it.’

Sickness and health
Caroline says, ‘Robin describes how, after diagnosis, the couple and their family had no real idea of what lay ahead and how the initial memory loss would impact almost all areas of Shoko’s life.
‘There are references to other books he read about dementia throughout, and a list at the end as well as a summary of practical tips.’
‘I must take note of the message distract and divert,’ adds P Kenley.
Lorna says, ‘The book offers an insight into the multifaceted, individualised care that is needed to help families who are affected by Alzheimer’s.
‘It highlights the difficulties of accessing help at the right time or knowing when the right time is.
‘As a nurse for many years, I appreciate some of the difficulties discussed. I applaud the ideas Robin had to resolve issues sympathetically – such as driving around the block – and agree there is a need for joined-up, accessible care, tailored to individual needs.’
Better and worse
‘Robin found the unpredictability of the condition difficult,’ says Caroline, ‘and Shoko became anxious and dependant.
‘However, there are still some happy times. When Robin agrees to get outside help because Shoko is having difficulty sleeping and can no longer help around the house, they eventually find a wonderful lady who becomes close to Shoko and is able to help with some of the logistical and emotional challenges.’
Lorna says, ‘This is a must-read for anyone who has an interest in Alzheimer’s or those undertaking their own journey.
‘It offers an insight into the condition, support, ideas, wisdom, coping strategies and links to helpful information. Once finished, you’ll need to read it again – I did!’
Living with Alzheimer’s: A love story, by Robin Thomson (Instant Apostle 2020), 192 pages, £8.99, ISBN: 9781912726196.
Your turn
We invite you to read Mother: A memoir, by Nicholas Royle (Myriad 2020), 224 pages, £8.99, ISBN: 9781912408573.
Hilary Mantel calls this book ‘A tender and graceful study of parents and children’, but we want to know what you think about it. Email us by 6 July 2020 so we can share it in our next magazine.
Get 30% off Mother: A memoir, with free UK postage and packing, when you order online from the publisher and use our special readers’ code ASM30.
James Whiteside
saysFed up hearing things like your not alone, we are hear to help but time goes by and I still have to cope doing everything yes cooking, Washing, cleaning, shopping, medication, and no help from anyone.
Anonymous
saysHi there James,
Thanks for getting in touch. We're really sorry to hear you're not getting the help you need. We completely understand it must be frustrating to hear and read these things when you don't feel supported. Could you please call our Dementia Connect support line on 0333 150 3456? That way, our advisers can fully understand your situation and provide you with the support you need. Here's some information about our support line and opening times: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/dementia-connect-support-line
We hope this is helpful, James.
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Alzheimer's Society website team