Real stories

‘Grandad wasn’t himself’ - Spotting changes in behaviour before a dementia diagnosis

All the family have noticed a change in mum's behaviour, mood and memory over the past year and finally admitted to ourselves that there was a problem. I contacted mum's doctor who said he would conduct a memory test when visiting her for the flu jab but he didn't. I then arranged a memory test with a different GP by phone which also didn't happen on the agreed date. Then Mum dropped into conversation last week that GP had done a memory test over the phone that day and said she was fine!! She couldn't remember what the memory test entailed though! I rang the doctor as mum is definitely not ok. She eats toffees all day instead of meals, doesn't want to shower or get dressed and has asked me to manage her money as she can't cope with banking, online shopping and has got into a real mess with ordering from Amazon. GP wouldn't tell me anything so me and my sister have applied for POA . Once that comes through it's back to the GP to request an assessment and referral for a diagnosis.

My mother’s mother had dementia, mums memory had been deteriorating over the last 3 years she had given me power of attorney, recently she wasn’t paying her bills so I set up direct debit for her now she is accusing me of stealing from her, I live 3 hours away from her but she has 4 grandsons that check up on her she had said that I’ve been there when I haven’t and that I’ve taken all her paperwork. When I ring her she hangs up on me. She has an appointment to see a memory dr. Which we have had to wait 2 months for. When her GP tested her she scored 26. She has said to the grandsons she doesn’t want me there at the dr’s. She miss places her keys and bank cards, cheque books and it’s always someone has taken them. I’m not sure what to do. She refuses coming to live with me or for me to live with her.

Over the last 18mths I noticed my Dad's (94yrs) behaviour changing. He had a fall and spent 3 weeks in hospital, where he was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. He was discharged from Hospital and by ambulance admitted into the hospital section of the retirement Village they live in.
My Mother after 62yrs of being married is suffering from Anxiety, Insomnia, Panic attacks. My sisters and I stay with her everyday from 8am - 1pm and go with her to visit Dad. We are praying medication and support will help my Mum.
I am amazed at how this has affected everyone I my family, my Dad, Mum and us sisters? It is a situation that can force a family apart (in different directions).
Being part of a support group, decision making, finance management, agreeing on many aspects involved with both parents.
And understanding that, supporting each other and taking time out physically and emotionally is at the top of the list.

My mum is 92 and diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia 2 years ago. Though the signs were becoming apparent before that. Until one week ago she was perfectly able to remain in her house with my two sisters and I caring for her. She was physically very fit and we would go for long walks with my dog. However, just two weeks ago she became disoriented and persistently fell asleep. I decided to take her to my home and keep an eye on her. She became worse, losing her balance and fell down some of my stairs twice and in her bedroom. I ended up sleeping with her because I was so worried. Eventually, when she wouldn’t get out of bed I called her doctor, who without seeing her prescribed antibiotics for a kidney infection. I was forced to call 111 again as there was no improvement, they said call an ambulance. Mum has been in hospital since 13 January and was tested positive for Covid but the consultant is saying it’s the dementia worsening that caused the symptoms. Can this happen so quickly, in one week? When I researched symptoms for elderly Covid mum has them all. We have experienced problems getting updates from the hospital and it appears they are just leaving her to sleep with no stimulation. I appreciate how busy they are but I have stressed how active she was up until 2 weeks ago. Once she tests negative apparently they will arrange for her to return to my home. They need to assess my house, can anyone let me know the requirements please.

My dad was diagnosed with mixed dementia a couple of months ago, following a video consultation with the memory clinic. He seems quite happy in himself and he and my mum have found a routine which suits them. The memory clinic want him to use Alzest patches to help with his memory but we are very reluctant after reading the side-effects. Does anyone have any experience with this medication?

My roomate had alcohol dementia has turned our life upside down memory he lying lot misplacing things he 56

I completely understand what you are going through. Dad was diagnosed inMay with mixed dementia. There are good and bad days but the family is on hand to help even in these chaotic times. Don’t know what tomorrow will bring but we are just going one day at a time.

My husband passed away at the end of December . He had both vascular dementia & Alzheimer's although it was other issues he died from. I knew for some time he had dementia although his memory issues were attributed to hs other illnesses . He himself did not think anything was wrong and would roll his eyes and tell the Doctors he was only there because I'd asked him to go, When he finally received his diagnosis he was prescribed medication which did actually help. Although I miss him very much I am grateful that I was spared the trauma of him eventually not knowing who I was as he still recognised friends & family right until the end of his life .
I'm glad I pushed for a diagnosis as it helped me understand what he was going through & would do the same again

This was so similar to my mum, who wouldn't visit her GP and became very defensive around seeing anyone in healthcare or about any sort of help. You may find suggesting that the suggestion of a 'general check up' (both patient and GP) is useful. We are still awaiting a formal diagnosis as trying to get her in for her CT is difficult as she will hate that too and the appointments system is under pressure. You may also find the book 'Contented Dementia' by Oliver James useful.

I have the same exact issue with my mum. Our problem is she lives a distance away from us, so it’s over the phone mostly we have noticed the difference. Yesterday she asked me, how’s our mum. It took me a few seconds to twig that she meant her mum, She’s 76 and her mum died at 58. It was heartbreaking as I had to explain her mum died years ago. Her doctor wouldn’t allow me to make an appointment for her. So I have now written to him explaining that the situation. I wait to hear back. I just want a check up for her as she’s always been massively independent and fiercely stubborn. I hope they see sense and call her in and hope they tell me when the appointment is so I can call her and remind her..

That's a touching story, and also really helpful tips for people whose parents already got old without conducting any dementia diagnoses.