I'm doing Memory Walk to raise awareness of young people's experiences with dementia

My family home has never just consisted of the stereotypical family; it has always included my grandparents too. I have never known any different and throughout the entirety of my childhood it has brought us so much joy and happiness. 

However, this arrangement has inevitably meant that I have seen the process of ageing and deterioration from under a microscope.

But my Papa, Peter, is the most intelligent man I have ever met - he has always been my number one fan.

Unfortunately, I and the rest of my family have endured him deteriorate, watch him be swallowed up into the very confusing, conflicting and complex disease that is dementia.

Papa's diagnosis

Papa was diagnosed with young onset dementia in 2020. It was devastating to watch him be torn away from the man he was, the man he has always been and become a ghost of that person.

Unfortunately, dementia made Papa inarticulate, distant and very rapidly unable to care for himself independently.

It was scary not knowing what would be lost next and to think how lonely and beyond reach he must have felt saddens me.

An inspiration to many

To my sister and I, Peter Stickings was not only our Papa but our inspiration - with our daily giggles and chit chats with a cuppa tea. His life leading up to becoming our Papa was filled with huge achievements whereby he touched and altered the lives of many.

He was a headmaster for twenty-five years at Bow Boys School in the East end of London.

He nourished, motivated and influenced many generations of students with his witty, stubborn, forthright and yet simultaneously kind and generous ways.

Our big family

I have never known a love story quite as extraordinary as the one shared between my Granny and Papa. I feel utterly privileged to have seen a love as epic as theirs, one so pure and of the kind that people write stories about.

They met at age thirteen and fourteen and adored each other from the moment they laid eyes. After having their first two children, the eldest of which being my amazing Mumma, they decided to take part in the adoption of three children.

So a family of four soon became seven and not long after this became nine, when they adopted two more children. So despite all that dementia took from my Papa, the love and kindness he radiated will eternally live on in all of us whom he was part of.

Precious memories

I hold the memories and time I had with him so very close to my heart.

My Papa and I were just like two peas in a pod. We spent a lot of time together; whether that was our drives to and from school or planting strawberries and sunflowers in our garden.

I will forever be grateful to him for teaching us the value of hard work, dedication and resilience.

We spent many hours listening to music - we would listen to ‘Hey Paula’ by Paul and Paula. I would sing along to Paula’s part and Papa to Paul's. He also loved Ed Sheeran, especially when accompanied by Andrea Boccelli.

When dementia had dominated Papa, music was one thing he could still connect with and enabled a feeling of closeness between us when words simply were not reachable.

Slow progression of Papa's dementia

We cared for our Papa at home until he passed. These times were relentlessly challenging and inevitably had its impacts, not only watching his dementia progress, but witnessing the domino effect this had on each individual member of the family.

We didn’t lose Papa with the click of a finger, we lost him painfully but slowly over the past few years. Now we believe that we lost him in this way because when there is a person SO BIG, so intelligent and so powerful we don’t think you can, or any of us could have, managed losing him just like that.

We have now realised that there is no need to be scared, because when you've known, loved and adored someone that BIG they will be part of you forever. 

After caring for him at home throughout the whole of his disease, with my incredible Mumma taking the role of his primary carer, my Papa joined his beautiful wife, the love of his life - my Granny who also had dementia - in heaven 31st October 2021.

I find comfort in knowing that my Granny was waiting for Papa in heaven and that they can now be eternally together at peace, watching over us daily.

Why I'm taking part in Memory Walk

I'm taking part in Memory Walk alongside my big sister Ella and her partner, and my dearest friends who too have experienced similar hardships and supported me through mine.

By walking, we hope to work towards preventing other families from experiencing ‘the longest loss’ and the heartbreak that our family has fought through.

Watching our Papa fade away because of dementia has taught us to never take the time we have on this earth for granted, to love our loved ones dearly because we never know when that robber of memories will reappear.

I am also able to recognise now, that this trauma was only temporary and yet will eternally alter the person I am, and the person I will continue to be throughout the entirety of my life.

Raising awareness of young people's experiences with dementia

I hope that I can bring awareness to the young people that go about their days whilst in parallel, are experiencing a loved one with dementia - it is a truly tough and testing life experience, one that not many can even begin to comprehend.

Losing someone emotionally before they are taken physically is confusing and that all encompassing ambiguous grief can be consuming. It can feel lonely and isolating.

For a long time, I had a constant craving for someone, and anyone my age, to understand the heart ache.

I wanted them to see the world from my eyes through such a demanding microscope that having a grandparent with dementia had forced upon me. If I am being honest, I found it difficult to comprehend that not everyone will have matching experiences in life.

I had to take time to accept that everyone has their own significant traumas and battles and mine just happened  to be in my home, under my roof and carried with me every single day.

We will not learn to live without you Papa, but to live with the love you left behind.