Coronavirus restrictions in care homes: ‘Bit by bit, Mum is forgetting who I am’

I work for the ambulance service
I visit care homes every day but am only allowed 30 minutes per week to see my terminally ill mum who up until 5 weeks ago lived with me. I have seen her once. If I was to take a patient to the home from hospital I would be allowed in but not to see my own mother. I am a front line worker so do not understand these inhuman rules. I'm so angry that something so barbaric is being allowed to continue. Change is needed. It's quite easy to visit as long as all safety measures are in place.

My Dad is in a care home & although he's being care for myself or my mum & sister can't go & see him let alone give hi. A hug & kiss, he has Alzheimer's & need contact with us he must think we have abandoned him, it's so upsetting. Is this the Law that we can't see him can they really stop us from seeing him & giving him a hug which is very much needed. As much as I am sad I'm very angry about the hole thing !!!!

Hi
yes utterly disgusting criminals in prison get more human rights. Than our loved ones who was unfortunate enough to get old.
My mum has dementia and I haven't even been allowed to have a window visit in months. I have emailed Andy Carter to ask if he can explain the crazy reasoning behind this. It is totally inhumane. My mum has deteriorated I am fighting to remove her so she can live with me. We MUST all fight this together otherwise we will never be able to hug,cuddle or kiss our nearest and dearest again.

There is an even more disturbing thing happening now - care homes are refusing to even let residents go to a window to see their family standing outside in the car park. This has happened to me last week when I asked them to take my mother into the lounge where she could wave to me standing 20 yards OUTSIDE in the car park. Unbelievable. Residents were already sitting at the window and they even waved to me but the manager said he could not take people to the window to wave at families outside. I have now started a Human Rights abuse case as this is clearly not part of preventative virus procedures. has anyone else experienced this utter craziness?

My partner is 55 with early onset dementia he went into a care home for assessment in February as at the time I was caring for my dying mother and couldn't do both. The decline in him is terrible hes lost weight and can sometimes hardly hold a conversation especially on a phone which now is my only way of communicating with him. I was allowed visits for about 6 weeks but they have stopped again. The guilt and heartbreak is affecting me so much in fact I'm thinking about bringing him home as hes with people old enough to be his parents and theres no stimulation there for him at least when I visited I could talk to him about things he likes and understood. Though as we are not married I'm often told I have no rights

These stories are heartbreaking and incredulous. Please send copies of your letters to the Government, Opposition, local MP and Breakfast News. This inhumane situation is not getting enough coverage or leverage.

All I'm going to say is I've read all your sad heartbreaking comments and feel for everyone of you I have a mum in care home with Vascular dementia and Alzheimer's everyone your comments has same contents of how I feel and has been said so I won't repeat. Love to you all stay and be strong for yourselves and your family's parents that are in care. Government need to take note and stock and get grip and act now something drastic constructive needs to be done for these elderly, frail and vulnerable sad and lonely on their own with no love, hugs and kisses be from family's who have supported worked kept country running taxes hardwork this how government repay you shame on you. Listen hear how family's feel you government all got parents show some empathy and respect you only get one mum and dad blood tie xxxx

Please can someone share any thoughts on this ... my father passed away in April in a care home. My mother is still in the care home and we are only allowed to visit in the garden for 20mins. Unfortunately my mums health does not allow her to be outdoors this weather. Tonight the care home have appealed for volunteers to go into the home and help. I can’t go in as a daughter but volunteers can!!! The criteria is you have to do a minimum of 8 hours... I work full time and have done all through the pandemic ordering supplies and medication to the NHS so I’m unable to commit to 8 hours as I often take over time to help with the workload. Does anyone else feel this is so unfair?
Please let families into care homes to be with their loved ones. My father had Dementia and died in a room alone, I don’t think as a family we will ever get over this

Have sat pondering, yet again, about this appalling no visiting rule. It' s with me 24 hours a day. Not seen my husband since last garden visit of 45 minutes in early September. I worry about his health as he suffers from constant urine infections which aren't picked up by some of the less experienced care staff. Unfortunately, he can become aggressive during these times and I am concerned they may decide he has to go. Communications between Home and relatives are poor. I spent all of Saturday just trying to get through. Phone just rang and rang. I am in despair as, apart from here, I feel I have no-where to turn and although I have written to all and sundry, no-one responds. Whoever made the dragonian decisions re Care Homes needs to be brought to task.

I'm in the same situation as most of these people and it's wrong and heartbreaking for all of us more has got to be done.Cant we all get together and send a petition to Boris sure millions of people will sign it they are pensioners not prisoners

My mum is in a care home which locked down mid-September and now I've been told that they are closed to visitors until November at the earliest. I feel devastated that I'm letting her down so badly. Surely this must be a violation of her human right to family life?

I have recently had to put my 91 year old mum into a home as we could no longer manager her. We was told we would be able to see her once a week but that has now changed and no visits allowed.
It was the governments fault that there were so many deaths in care homes in the beginning, sending people from hospital without test to care homes.
Now we are being punished for this. Surrey the care homes make enough money to set up certain areas for visiting, what about Our loved ones human rights ?

My mum has been into 3 hospital and then a care home since April. April was the last time I saw or spoke to her. Due to Covid, I was not allowed into the hospitals and they did not have the ability to Skype. A few weeks ago mum finally moved into her care home, we were still not allowed to see her, but they were planning on a Skype call but was waiting for her to settle in. Unfortunately non of this happened and sadly, yesterday my mum passed away. It was sudden and unexpected so we were not called. My mum You could say. died alone, she had not seen any of her family since April. I do not know if she knew who I was still, or if she remembered her grandchildren. I never thought that in April when she was taken away by ambulance that would be the last time I saw her. I am truly heart broken.

My mother is in a nursing home in Swansea which is brilliant! She is receiving NHS CHC due to the severity of her condition. She has early onset Alzheimer’s and was diagnosed about 10 years ago in her 50’s. I have only seen my mum through a window twice in 7 months due to the restrictions. The home decided to recently open up to outdoor visits (15 min slots and 2 relatives at a time), however due to the weather their gazebo collapsed and visits were postponed due To the lack of shelter. This was really upsetting however I could appreciate that the home were in process of trying to resolve the Situation. Unfortunately, as soon as the new gazebo was in place, they then closed the home down to all visits again, prior to the New government Restrictions, in a bid to stay a step ahead. I can appreciate that this was to proactively stay on top of their safety regulations for the residents, which I also am so grateful for as they are doing a great job of protecting the patients. Yet, I can’t help but feel totally devastated that I can’t hold my mum’s hand or hug her or even see her. Her Alzheimer’s is so advanced and she is very unwell, needing round the clock care. She hasn’t recognised any of her family or loved ones for years now and has lost all ability to communicate verbally. We regularly Skype, however, as mum’s condition is so poor she is unable to understand, respond or benefit from the calls. My mum needs constant tactile interaction that is sensory. This is what she thrives on and can only respond to. I don’t know how long mum has got left to live. 7 months have gone by already and all this time is precious for her. Due to mum’s early onset Alzheimer’s, she has a young family who miss her dearly. My dad is unable to see his wife, which is totally heartbreaking. I myself am currently expecting a baby that mum
May never see. I know she won’t be able to understand or know that the baby is her grandchild, but I know she would thrive emotionally and mentally from that hug and connection.I really wish that the government would provide care homes with additional guidance or rules so that visits could be made possible. Even if we had to dress in full PPE and make sure we self isolate before hand to ensure we are safe to enter. Surely something can be done! To simply say that care homes need to be shut to protect the residents doesn’t take the fact into account that it could actually be more damaging to those individuals in the long run.

Reading all these stories of families like mine that are going through what we are makes me feel not so alone.
My dad 70 Who has dementia was in respite care at the beginning of the covid and now is in a nursing home long term, it’s been heartbreaking to get my head round it all, and not being able to see him Or take him out or to settle him into his new home has been heartbreaking and has made me depressed.
I was able to visit him once outside on the garden , now even garden visits have been cancelled. Due to the numbers rising again.
It’s not been good for dads mental health and Is heartbreaking when your dad tells you over the phone that he wants to kill himself.
I just can’t get my head round the fact that the Carers who work in these homes can be with their families go to pubs etc and quite easily pass the virus on to our families who they care for , but I,m not able to even visit dad on the garden wearing full PPE.
Something definitely has to change and soon or otherwise a lot of people will still be suffering mentally.
The Carers are all doing a fantastic job , but we all need to see our families that are in care homes now . Something needs to be done.