Real stories

Café society: 'Find your community, because they will get you through it.'

Julia Rollinson has first-hand experience of dementia and remembers how her family learned to navigate each day.

The hardest thing about a dementia diagnosis is knowing what to do next.

'Having been through it, I now know that one of the first things to do is find your people,' she remembers. 'Find your community, because they will get you through it. This is not an illness to battle by yourself.'

When Julia’s mum Christine was diagnosed with dementia 12 years ago, the family suddenly found themselves navigating a frightening and exhausting new reality. Julia saw early on that her dad, David, who was her mum’s primary carer, was going to need a break, so she started to look for local community support groups.  

'Back then, there was a lot less out there, and the waiting lists were long. So I decided to start a Dementia Café, and I wouldn’t take no for an answer!'

A community lifeline

Julia approached the care company, Home Instead, who were already supporting her mum, and together they launched the community café in Digswell, Hertfordshire. Sadly, Julia lost her mum shortly after but, ten years on, the café is a vibrant, indispensable lifeline for dozens of families, offering a balance of practical advice, emotional support and joyous community.

Cutting through the overwhelming confusion that can follow a dementia diagnosis was one of Julia’s main motivations. 'I wanted somewhere that people could come and find the information they needed – almost a one-stop shop, from diagnosis right the way through.'

So while loved ones with dementia are entertained with craft activities, singing or even armchair hockey, carers can quietly step aside to consult with local visitors such as banks, law firms, opticians and, as Julia describes, everything in between. 'And there’s always an information table where you can find out about local services and collect some of the freebies we receive.'

After a diagnosis, time is precious

'When you get a diagnosis of any kind, your time with that person becomes limited,' says Julia. 'The café gives people back a few hours, time they haven’t got to spend looking for information or talking to banks. That time is so precious.'

However, the impact of a dementia café extends far beyond practical advice. Dementia can place a devastating burden on a family and friends, and Julia intentionally designed the café to be a place where carers can really let their hair down. 'I didn’t want it to be a space where we’re just looking after people to give their families an hour off,' she explains. 'I want everyone to come and have a good time.'

The café offers a safe environment for people to step outside, have a coffee with someone who truly understands, and often even find a way to laugh through the darkest moments – something Julia actively encourages.

Familiarity and friendship

And for those living with dementia, the café is a space of dignity, security and laughter. Every visitor is treated equally, and familiarity in the environment is created with the same music, seating and even tablecloths. Afternoons are spent singing along to a live band or rock-and-roll dancing, playing bingo and board games and lots of arts and crafts. There’s even an occasional visit from support animals or a Britain’s Got Talent finalist!  

One regular visitor is Alma, who came back to the café just days after her husband’s funeral. 'I wasn’t expecting her to come back so soon,' remembers Julia, 'but she said, "John used to tell me to come here because this is my family." So she’s still coming because in the darkest time she’s surrounded by friends.

'People come through the door, and they smile because it’s familiar, and that makes me really happy. Someone with dementia might not remember what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel.'

Diagnosis does not mean the end of a joyful life

Last year, the dementia café was renamed Christine’s Community Café in memory of Julia’s mum. 'The café shows that what we went through wasn’t in vain,' says Julia. 

My mum’s fight wasn’t for nothing because now we’re helping other people from that experience.

Like dementia cafés around the country, Christine’s Community Café is ongoing proof that a diagnosis does not mean the end of a joyful life. By offering both the practical tools and the community to navigate each day as it comes, it’s often the beginning of a new, shared chapter.