Adapting to life with Alzheimer’s disease after 55 years of marriage

Raymond was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2017. 

Both he and his wife Cynthia are originally from the Caribbean Island of Trinidad, where Raymond was born and lived until his mid-20s.

They tell us their story and explain how art and the Alzheimer's Society are helping Raymond live with dementia.

There's nothing worse than watching the person you love, the person you married, disappearing before your eyes.

A life filled with music

Raymond says: It was fantastic growing up there. I lived with my grandmother and got a good little job as an apprentice engineer, learning to repair outboard motors.

I play the drums, like music and art, and also like chatting about football – I’m a Chelsea fan.

When I was young, I had a passion for the steel pan, the national instrument of Trinidad and Tobago.

When I was a teenager, I had my own steel band, The Dew Drops, who performed all over Trinidad, even appearing on television.

I also played at Notting Hill Carnival in my mid-20s, after moving to London in the 1960s.

Our life together

Raymond says: I met Cynthia, also originally from Trinidad, in London. I proposed to her after a night out at the cinema.

We were married in the June of 1968 at St. Matthew’s Church in Fulham.

Money was tight for us then. Cynthia did her own catering, and a friend provided the wedding car.

We couldn’t afford to fly her parents over from Trinidad, so Cynthia’s brother walked her down the aisle.

At our 25th Wedding Anniversary party, Cynthia walked downstairs into the room where her parents stood, wearing her wedding dress and said “...this is what you missed...!”

Noticing dementia signs and symptoms

Cynthia says: For five years I was saying to Raymond and the kids that something was wrong.

He would just sit there like a little child lost, or he’d get annoyed for no reason and scream out. He wasn’t the same guy.

Raymond says: When I went upstairs, I didn’t know what I’d gone up for. But most people do that, so I didn’t think.

I only thought I was very forgetful.

Adapting to life after a dementia diagnosis

Raymond says: I sometimes feel less able to do certain household tasks, such as DIY, while Cynthia now deals with all paperwork and telephone calls.

Cynthia puts whiteboards around the house with reminders written on them.

Dementia isn’t a nice thing to have but you can’t say, “Why me?” These things happen and you’ve got to accept it.

It doesn’t affect me as much as some of the other guys. If I want to get the bus or train, I’ll just get it – I just tell people where I’m going first.

How art and Alzheimer’s Society help

Raymond says: We visited a day centre run by Alzheimer’s Society in 2017.

We were introduced to the Day Service Manager there. She offered me a place one day a week to see if I’d like it. I was sceptical, but really did like it once I got there and now, I go there two days a week.

They’ve got two guys there I’m very good friends with. We talk, make jokes and laugh. We chat about football, cricket, anything that’s in the papers. It’s good for us – we have a good time.

The activities include exercises, singing, dancing and general knowledge quizzes, and we sometimes go on walks or trips.

What makes it great is the staff – they’re wonderful people.

They make you feel happy, and if you need anything they get it for you. I’d recommend it to anybody.

Cynthia says: Raymond has come alive.

It has left him in a completely different place to where he was in 2017.

Raymond says: I couldn’t draw anything at all. But I had about 10 up at the centre. The lady who teaches me said I was the best student.

It makes me a more active and independent person. I’d never done anything like it.