Advice

How to respond if a person with dementia keeps repeating themselves

It can be hard to know what to do if a person with dementia tells you the same things repeatedly.

On our Dementia Support Forum, people with experience of caring for family members recently helped a homecare worker who asked about this.

One person they were supporting told them the same three stories over and over, and they were finding it difficult to respond.

Thankfully, forum members were on hand with their advice.

Use photos for dementia reminiscence

Sporadic gardener says, ‘I found going through old photographs helped trigger some new stories, which helped divert my person with dementia from always repeating the same story. She defaults back to them without the album, but it can help.

‘She had loose photos which we then identified and put in the album.

‘I also spent time observing things in each photo and asking questions to help trigger memories too. 

A great way of finding out more about their life too.

‘If it’s a fun or proud time it was also great for her mood and self-worth.’

Toopie28 says, ‘It’s probably exactly what she needs – just to repeat her stories.’ 

It is dementia, so it can change within an hour to something else.

Listen to the person

Anonymous says, ‘I think if you have tried diverting then stop, stop for a moment and try going with the stories.

‘Sounds easy and in truth it might not work but it is worth trying.

‘My sibling used to try and divert, and it had appeared to work well.

‘But one day when I went to see Dad, I said I would make him a coffee and he said, “Don’t be trying to distract me!” 

If that was me or you, we would be really put out if someone just didn’t listen. 

‘I also think sometimes someone is trying to tell you something. I had a massive roasting from Dad not so long ago. I didn’t go, I didn’t say anything, I just listened.

‘At the end, I said I was sorry he felt that way and I wished things were different. 

He told me he didn’t know what was happening to him.

‘Fear, that was it, and being scared right at the bottom of it. 

‘If I had gone to make a coffee, cut that visit short, then I would not have been able to comfort him, and he would have been left with those feelings when I went home. It will depend on your person, though.’

Change how you react

Collywobbles says, ‘If the person isn’t responding to deflection to a different activity, the only thing you can do is change how you react.

‘Can you maybe join in with the stories? Ask a few questions about the anecdotes which might at least lead her down a different narrative, just to give you a break?

It doesn’t matter if it’s all just a flight of fancy as long as she still enjoys the chat.

‘Does she do this when she’s with family, or is this behaviour only with you? I wonder whether the behaviour is being triggered specifically by you – maybe as a kind of verbal self-soothing in the presence of someone she doesn’t recognise as much as she does family members?

‘If it helps, this kind of thing does tend to just be a phase, but it can last weeks or months. 

You may just find you have to grit your teeth through it. 

‘I’ve had the same phone conversation with my mum every evening for several years now and it could drive me crackers if I let it. Then I think of my dad, who lives with the repetition 24/7.’

7 tips for responding to repetitive behaviour

• Try to be patient and keep your tone level and calm.
• Is there a need behind the person’s behaviour? Perhaps they’re looking for reassurance? Or do they miss a person or place from the story and want to reminisce?
• Is something triggering the behaviour – for example, does it happen the same time of day or around the same people?
• Distracting the person or engaging them in an activity they enjoy can help shift their focus onto something else.
• Try to avoid telling the person they’re repeating themselves. This could be upsetting or knock their confidence.
• If the person is repeating themselves because they’re nervous or anxious, a product like a fidget muff or sensory blanket may help. You could also try a favourite piece of music or TV show.
• If the behaviour isn’t harmful or causing a problem, accept that the person finds it comforting and reassuring, and let it be.