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Book group: Travellers to Unimaginable Lands

In Travellers to Unimaginable Lands, clinical psychologist Dasha Kiper explores the psychology of caring and the inner workings of our minds. 

Dasha draws on her own experience of working with people affected by dementia, along with many fields of study and real-life case studies.

For our reviewers, it’s a surprising book with a unique take on dementia. 

All were fascinated by the author’s insights on the human brain, and the possibilities offered by understanding its processes better. 

Frustration and guilt as a carer

‘I wasn’t sure what to expect, but it wasn’t this,’ says Rachel in Surrey. 

‘It aims to help readers understand the frustrations and difficulties of the relationship between carer and the person with dementia. 

‘The author wants us to realise that the “healthy” brain is ill-equipped and often unable to work with the cognitively impaired brain. And hopes that this knowledge will help carers mitigate some of the frustration and guilt they experience.’ 

Tom says, ‘It is not, and is not meant to be, a how-to or what-to-do book.’ 

The author hopes carers will strive to understand their loved one’s mind and to value it in all its inevitable imperfections.

SeaSwallow says, ‘It was interesting the way that the author says that carers are almost hardwired to make the same mistakes over and over again. 

‘Our brains are not equipped to deal with the ways that dementia changes the brains of a person who has dementia.’ 
 

Co-regulating our emotions 

Rachel was interested by the topic of ‘co-regulating our emotions’. 

‘We emotionally bounce off each other and often chose a partner for this match. 

‘Therefore, when dementia strikes and the usually passive, calming or supportive partner becomes the polar opposite, the “healthy” brain left in the relationship just cannot compute what is happening, as the same physical person is right in front of them.’ 

Sue says, ‘I think there are useful warnings about the limitations of thinking your way into being the perfect rational carer. 

The physiological limits of self-control are explained and the need for self-care demonstrated from neuroscience.

Varied sources

Travellers to Unimaginable Lands layers real-life experiences with knowledge from a range of academic fields, ‘including neuroscience, psychology, psychoanalysis and literature,’ says Sue. 

‘This took me back to my student days as I qualified in nursing, education and counselling.’ 

Tom agrees that this approach gives the book an extra dimension. 

Its use of literature and other disciplines to highlight areas explored make it an engaging read. 

‘And I found the case studies and description of sessions the author held with carers both enlightening and moving.’ 

Academic slant 

All our reviewers found the book well-presented and enlightening, but said I feel that the book would suit someone who is interested in the psychology of caring rather than the practical issues that caring brings.

‘Close to 50 pages are taken by reference notes at the end,’ says Sue, ‘and I am not well read in literature. 

‘So Borges, Kafka, Chekhov, Melville, Sartre and Beckett were not works with a great deal of currency for me, and didn’t help move my understanding forward in the same way that case study material did.’ 

SeaSwallow agrees, ‘I also felt out of my depth at times.' 

I found myself tuning out or feeling that the information given would not make me a better carer.

Not a comforting read

Although our reviewers picked out elements of the book that fascinated them, the jury’s out on how useful they found it. 

‘After one case study outlining the difficulties of a struggling carer, the author concludes she found carer guilt to be intractable,’ says Sue. 

It was a bad day for me when I read that chapter. I thought bitterly, ‘Well, what is the point of you then!’

Sue thought a key part of the book’s message – to shift how you view dementia in order to feel less distressed – misses important aspects. 

Rachel agrees, ‘Much of the stress may also be caused by sleep deprivation, financial worries and lack of external support.’ 

SeaSwallow was disappointed with how it felt to read the book, compared to hearing the author on podcasts. 

‘I thought that I would enjoy this book because I had listened to Dasha Kiper’s podcasts based on the book and found them fascinating. However, reading the book was entirely different.’

Target audience

Our reviewers thought the book could be best suited to professionals and academics. 

‘I feel that the book would suit someone who is interested in the psychology of caring rather than the practical issues that caring brings,’ explains SeaSwallow. 

This is not a practical guide to coping with the issues that a dementia diagnosis brings. 

'The author goes into so much psychological detail that I do think that the book would put off some carers who are just starting on their caring journey.’ 

Tom says, ‘I would definitely recommend that people closely involved in dementia care read this, in particular anyone who is supporting or counselling carers in any way.’ 

For Rachel, reading Travellers to Unimaginable Lands did prompt an idea. 

‘Perhaps a UK-based book of 10 case studies – less academic in approach – that speaks not only of the emotional frustrations, but also the very practical caring issues that arise.’ 

Travellers to Unimaginable Lands, by Dasha Kiper (Profile 2024), 272 pages, £10.99 (prices vary), ISBN 9781800816206. Also available as an ebook or audiobook.