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Book group: The Memory of You

Author Samantha Tonge is known for uplifting, emotional stories that are marketed as women’s fiction. 

In her 2023 book The Memory of You, we meet Alex, a writer at a turning point in her life.

‘An author whose career is going downhill finds herself working in a café to help a stranger,’ says Jools in Suffolk.

‘She’s expecting a posh coffee shop, but discovers that the Wrong Order Café is exactly like its name – often customers will be given incorrect meals because some of the staff with dementia get their orders muddled up.’

Getting to know the characters

‘My heart dropped when I saw the cover of this book,’ says Alison. 

‘It’s very much in the style of “chick lit” which, in my experience, can be full of sensationalist plot turns and very little real characterisation.

‘Happily, my initial foreboding wasn’t borne out by actuality. It’s genuine women’s literature, and I liked the fact that one of the principal male characters, Tom, used that genre to help him open up with his emotions.’

Anne in Wiltshire says, 

Thank you for introducing me to a book and author I may not have tried.

‘I felt slightly disbelieving of the plot line at the beginning,’ says Jane from Kendal, ‘but maybe life is about taking opportunities when they present themselves?

‘It took me a while to get into this book, as the main character is not at all likeable. 

‘But I would recommend readers to bear with it, the book and the characters (particularly Captain Beaky) will grow on you.’

Positive book about dementia

Alisongs says, ‘The first third of the book went into detail about a very unrelatable lead character – a driven, arrogant author – so much so I struggled to be interested.’

‘I wasn’t keen on the main character at first,’ agrees Debbie P, ‘but this shows how well the author put the character across. 

In fact, all the characters were good in their own right… Oh, and the parrot was hilarious!

Carole in Chepstow, whose husband has frontotemporal dementia, says this was the first positive book she’s read about dementia.

‘I got upset a few times when some of the negative aspects were discussed and about how I could relate,’ she says. 

‘However, the story focuses on people living with dementia who are “still there” even though they are constantly changing.’

Depictions of dementia

Alison says, ‘There are the plot twists that I’d expected right to the end and, of course, the necessary love interest.

‘There is also treatment of Alzheimer’s disease, some of which almost, sort of, nearly comes close to reflecting the experience of unpaid carers.’

Debbie says, ‘The book made me feel better in myself.

I recognised certain traits that my mum has shown in recent times. 

‘I always doubt myself as she’s in a home now.’

‘The book is nicely written,’ says Jools, ‘drawing attention to the fact that there are many forms and stages of dementia, and that many people still have sparks of their character inside them.’

‘I found the story had much more flow and relatability in the last third, which I read quickly and easily and enjoyed,’ says Alisongs.

‘The depictions of dementia were most authentic in the characters of Fletch and Norms, others could be quite shallow.’

Alison says, ‘All in all, I found this a page-turner and I did find myself becoming invested in the character of Alex.’

A book that touches upon memory loss and menopause

For some reviewers, the book speaks more to readers about menopause than about dementia.

‘It’s very much a book about picking yourself up after a breakup and a midlife gap year for the menopausal,’ says Alisongs.

‘Dementia is usually characterised as loss of memory – and that’s the same here,’ says Alison. 

‘There’s lots more involved, and carers may well be a bit fed up with people thinking that it is just about memory!’

However, Carole says she’s already recommended it to friends to help with their understanding of dementia.

Debbie agrees, ‘I would recommend the book firstly to anyone whose relative or friend has or is showing symptoms of dementia, but also to help anyone understand how dementia affects not just the person who has been diagnosed but the people around them.’

Jane says, ‘This book made me think deeply about what is important in life, that less is more, about friendship, love and acceptance, and that life doesn’t end upon receiving a diagnosis of dementia.’

Carole says,

‘The thing I will take out of this book is that being perfect is really not that important. It doesn’t make you happy and to get to perfection is a very lonely path.’