My friends wife Norma, also my wife's best friend, who was our bridesmaid in 1960, suffered dementia for many years. My sister Evelyn, suffered the cruel illness and died just before my own wife Gwen began to have trouble vocalising her thoughts, which was due to dementia. We were just short of 65 Years married when she passed away with me by her side. She ended up in a nursing home after a fall. Gwen had suffered breast cancer and she had heart troubles as well as the cancer treatment affecting her blood. The only time I heard her crying was when she could not do the tasks the dementia nurses asked her to do for a diagnosis. She was brave and loving right to the end. Dementia is the most cruel and soul destroying condition. It effects not only the sufferer but everyone around. My heart still aches when I think of her brave struggle. We got good support from Age concern and Mind.

My beautiful loving mum, June, faded day by day and became a person I didn’t know. She passed in January 2025. I’m slowly coming to terms with the journey we went through. I hope she didn’t think I let her down and knew that I loved her x

Margaret Sallis was one of the kindest and happiest women you could ever meet. The moment she entered a room, her smile would light it up and make everyone around her feel warm and welcome. Alzheimer’s slowly took away parts of Margaret’s memory, her confidence, and eventually her voice, but it could never take away her beautiful smile, infectious laughter, or the love, warmth, and happiness she carried within her. I had the privilege of supporting Margaret for five years and saw her almost every day until her final moments. Over those years, I watched the heart breaking reality of Alzheimer’s unfold. There were moments of confusion, frustration, and sadness, where the disease seemed to take more and more from her. Yet somehow, through it all, Margaret still found ways to smile, laugh, and bring comfort to the people around her. One of the most powerful things I witnessed was the love between Margaret and her husband. Even as Alzheimer’s changed so much of their lives, his care, patience, and devotion to her never changed. Their bond was truly unforgettable. Margaret taught me that Alzheimer’s may affect memory and communication, but it does not take away a person’s heart or the impact they leave on others. Even in her most difficult moments, her kindness still shone through. It was an honour to be part of Margaret’s life and care for her during her journey. She will always be remembered for her beautiful smile, infectious laugh, and the strength she showed every single day.

When my Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease nearly five years ago, the Alzheimer's Society were so brilliant whenever I phoned for advice. I want to celebrate the man whose love of music is still so deeply engrained in him, even in the later stages of dementia. My poetry collection, 'The Opposite of Swedish Death Cleaning', shares a little of the experience of caring for him during this time, including a poem called 'Muscle Memory' about taking him to a Christmas Eve service in Norwich Cathedral and finding that he could still stand and sing the bass line of all the carols, by heart.

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2022. At first, the signs were small - minor memory lapses and repetitiveness - but within months her condition declined rapidly. She would often press her lifeline in the middle of the night without remembering why, and despite having four care visits a day, it became clear she was becoming increasingly confused and vulnerable.

By early 2023, the change in Mum was immense. She stopped going out because she no longer recognised where she was. She would often say she wanted to “go home,” but when asked where home was, she would give the address from her childhood. She was no longer eating properly and could not safely cook for herself. As difficult as it was, we knew a care home was the safest place for her, and in the summer of 2023 she moved in. It took time for her to settle, but eventually she became happy and comfortable there.

Over the last six months, Mum’s condition has sadly declined further. Her mobility is now almost non-existent, she spends most days sleeping in bed, and she experiences pain and hallucinations. Watching this as a daughter is heartbreaking. The mum I knew is rarely there now.

Not long after her diagnosis, I had a forget-me-not tattooed across my heart as a reminder of who my mum truly is - a fiercely independent woman who raised me as a single parent, loved travelling, adored her incredible shoe collection, and treasured family above all else. She was social, kind, deeply loved by everyone, and a devoted Catholic who attended church twice a week.

I worked as a Memory Clinic Nurse since 1997 when the word “senile” and other uncomfortable terms were used. We (health care professionals) had to fight for funding for dementia services and I was the only Memory clinic Nurse in the whole county. I loved my job… the people I met, the histories they shared. I’m glad that as I finished my NHS role a few years ago, understanding and funding had grown exponentially. Now people began to understand that Alzheimer’s was not the only memory/cognitive disease that affected people of all ages…. Frontal lobe, Multi Infarction, Mixed dementia and many more types/names. The youngest person I aided to diagnose with Alzheimer’s was 31 years of age…. Yes there were more people diagnosed with dementia but I felt that was due to a better understanding of the disease and earlier detection. I take great pride in the fact that I was one of the first 8 Memory Clinic Nurses in the country back in 1997, took part in the initial Dementia drug trials and retired as a Clinical Specialist Nurse in Dementia.
This disease is cruel.. I experienced it personally with my Gran and then my mother in law and sometimes I’d of preferred to have been a member of the public as with knowledge I knew what was going to happen… but also I was there to assist, encourage, sign post and comfort.
I’ve now handed the reigns over to a much better understood and proactive profession/calling. Let’s hope the change continues not only in understanding but treatments also.
I have attached a lovely picture of my mother in law who passed away 4 years ago from the effects of Vascular Dementia.