Dementia Support Line
How to involve children and young people
Children and young people can help the person with dementia. While it won't always be appropriate for them to be involved, there are aspects of caring that are fulfilling.
- Explaining dementia to children and young people
- You are here: How to involve children and young people
- How children and young people respond when a person has dementia
- Ways you can support children and young people when a person has dementia
Explaining dementia to children and young people
Finding ways of being involved in the care or conversations around someone with dementia can give children and young people a feeling of control.
It can help them to cope with a difficult and emotional situation. It can also prevent them from feeling left out when other family members are busy.
Enable and appreciate acts of support
Make sure that the child or young person knows that you appreciate their help. Show them how they are supporting the person with dementia. This is especially important if the person with dementia finds it difficult to show this appreciation.
Remind them that the person might sometimes forget things or become confused. They may also say things that don’t reflect how they actually feel about others. Try to help the child or young person to not take things personally if possible.
Every family and every child is different. Browse our suggestions on ways to involve them and see what feels right for your family and your situation.
- Let the child or young person know that simply being with the person with dementia, and showing them love, is one of the most important things they can do. The person with dementia may still be able to connect with them in this way.
- Try to ensure that the time they spend with the person is pleasurable. There are lots of activities people with dementia can enjoy, like walks, playing games, sorting objects, listening to music or making a scrapbook of past events. Try to encourage them to continue doing these things together for as long as they are able to.
- Talk to the person with dementia about their life and interests with the child or young person. Encourage them to look at photographs and mementos together and talk about their lives. It’s important not to ask the person too many questions as they may feel they are being tested. If they misremember names or places, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is to engage them, and the child or young person, in conversation.
- At any stage of the condition, you can encourage the child or young person to show love and support by hugging or holding the hand of the person. This must feel appropriate for both the young person and the person with dementia.
- Children and young people may want to complete a dementia fundraising challenge. This could be a bake sale or Memory Walk. It might help them feel they are doing something important to support dementia. This can also give them the chance to talk about dementia with their friends in a relaxed and positive way.
- The child or young person could speak to their school, college or workplace about Dementia Friends sessions. Or you could do this on their behalf if they prefer. These sessions can allow their friends to learn more about dementia.
When a child or young person is a ‘carer’
Some children or young people may find themselves doing most or all of the ‘caring’ for the person with dementia. This can happen for a number of reasons. For example, if the person with dementia is their parent and there is limited support in the family.
A caring role at a young age can be very difficult, both physically and emotionally. This can have an impact on their health, wellbeing, education and relationships.
Many young people who are carers find it difficult to get the support they need. This is especially true if their family member has young-onset dementia, and if people around them think that dementia only affects older people. This can lead to the child or young person being affected by a lack of understanding or stigma. They can make them feel isolated and alone.
Find advice and support
For more information about helping the child or young person, visit our Dementia Support Forum. This is an online community where you can read other people’s stories, ask for advice and share concerns.
Challenging situations that may arise
It is a good idea to be aware of things the person with dementia may find upsetting or confusing. Be prepared to provide reassurance if these happen when a child or young person is present. Talk to the child afterwards if the person becomes upset or confused. This may help them to understand why this happened and to know that it is not their fault.
Young children may need reminding why the person with dementia sometimes behaves unusually. All children and young people may need to talk about their feelings at different times. This may be especially when their relationship with the person with dementia changes.
Dealing with difficult behaviour
In certain circumstances, it is best not to leave the child or young person alone with the person with dementia. This could be if they begin to show aggressive or inappropriate behaviour. Try to explain the reasons for this if you can. Make sure the child knows that this is a symptom of the person’s condition. Emphasise that this is not how the person with dementia feels towards them.
If the behaviour is violent or sexual, never leave the child or teenager alone with the person with dementia. It is important that the child or young person is kept safe. Find out more about challenging sexual behaviours and what support is available.
Share your observations and concerns with a professional immediately. This could be a dementia adviser, social worker or your GP, to get their advice. If this affects how you feel or your wellbeing, talk to your GP.
