Real stories

'I have benefitted tremendously from Alzheimer's Society's support' - Howard's story

Howard’s life before dementia

I had a difficult life, growing up. I remember being very young, under the age of nine, and breaking into the docks with my brother. 

We moved around a lot.  Mum and dad didn't live together so sometimes we lived with dad and other times we lived with mum. It wasn't very stable. I had one brother, Cliff. He was younger than me. We were roughly a year apart, and we were real tearaways.

We had to be really careful then. The racism was rampant. My granddad was a seaman from Africa and my grandma was white skinned and Welsh. She was disowned by her family for marrying a black man.

My dad came to the UK from Jamaica, on Windrush, where he met my mum in Liverpool. My mum once told me that when I was a baby, she couldn't leave the pram outside the shop, even to pop in for a minute, because if people looked in the pram and saw that I was a mixed-race baby, they would spit at me.

From his early years to having a family

I left school really young, maybe 14 or 15. I have no formal qualifications. I went to work as a printer and I changed jobs throughout my life. My dad got me a job as a panel beater and I became a newsagent after meeting my wife Hazel.

It was in 1968 when I met Hazel. My brother and I had been to a dance and spotted these two good looking girls. We asked them both out but they refused! 

At the time, I had a great job at the rollerskating rink just outside Birmingham. It was probably one of my favourite jobs. I remember the boss saying there was a new staff member, and I was to show her the ropes. Her name was Hazel!

She asked if I remembered her and, to my shame, I didn't. She reminded me about the dance - she was one of the good looking girls! Before long, we had set a date for the following Monday and I took her dancing again.

We got married in 1970 and we bought a rundown property, which Hazel made into a beautiful home.  

Hazel and I ran series of newsagents throughout our married life and we went on to have two children, a son and a daughter. I now have seven grandchildren and eight great granddaughters. Sadly, Hazel passed away from cancer in 2010.

Getting a dementia diagnosis

I don't remember any dramatic changes that worried me about dementia. I don’t remember any signs. Sometime in 2021, I was involved in the car crash where I hit another car quite badly. I gave up driving from that point. I don’t remember why I pulled out or what led to the crash. 

It was later that same year, on holiday with a friend, when they noticed something was wrong with my mouth. We didn't know if it was a stroke and so rushed to hospital for an x-ray where I was admitted and stayed for five to six weeks. The x-ray showed that this was the second stroke that year, and that the car accident was probably the first.

I was struggling with a few things around this time and kept forgetting words and names of places. It was during this hospital stay that I was diagnosed with vascular dementia. 

Meeting his Dementia Adviser, Kiran

It was then that I met my Dementia Adviser, Kiran. I remember her being very sympathetic and I was referred to some amazing groups that I still go to now. 

I knew as soon as I met Kiran that she was a kind and caring person. She has been my rock. When she rings me, I love to chat to her. She was there to support and help me. 

How Alzheimer’s Society has helped Howard

In Solihull, I go to the Dementia Voice Local Group. I really enjoy these groups and always go if I can. The kind ladies organise a taxi for me and ring me to remind me. There are often visitors that come, and I love it when there is music. 

Now I can go to other groups too and the ladies there really look after me too. I always try and help others in the group if they are new and I chat to them about my background and help them try new things.

Without Alzheimer’s Society, I would be stuck indoors and have no confidence to go out and speak to people. Alzheimer’s Society has given me purpose. I have met people who have become very close to me. 

I have benefitted tremendously from their support, and I want to tell people who are going through what I went through that they can really help you. To all the people with dementia, Alzheimer’s Society can help you. Join in the events and groups. Take a deep breath and have a go. If you stutter or forget, don’t worry, try again, make a joke about it! 

It can be frustrating but keep going. You don’t know until you try. It takes personal courage, but Alzheimer’s Society are there for you.