Living with dementia magazine, April 2010

Below is a selection of carers' tips to help make caring for people with dementia easier. More will follow next month.

From Carmen Wing, email

Taps

When my husband was still mobile and in his 'restless' phase, he spent the entire day wandering about and 'fiddling' with everything within reach, including the kitchen taps, with unwelcome results.

If the mixer tap was turned away from the sink, the water would merrily cascade over the worktops and flood the kitchen in no time at all.

A simple washing-up bowl placed upside down over the taps stopped any further mishaps - easy, cheap, and cheerful!

Mirrors

When the perceived threat from mirrors and windows turned into a problem (my husband threatened to 'punch the pervert who regularly watched him in the bathroom'), I covered all of them in the house with scarves or fabric that matched the curtains.

I also carried a large silk scarf in my handbag, along with some Blu-tack to use in public toilets (mirrors in disabled toilets are often very large).

When we spent a night in a hotel before our daughter's wedding, I took Blu-tack and old net curtains with me to pin them up temporarily in the bathroom and bedroom to avoid any unwelcome scenes.

Stephanie Penkey, email
My first tip is to invest in an automatic calendar and clock similar to those used seen in banks, which change the day of the week, date and month automatically. It will always be correct. The only thing left to rely on is the batteries!  

My second suggestion is to buy a hardback, A4, day-to-a-page diary. This can be used to great effect with my first suggestion, or on its own. Apart from enabling you to write things in there to help the person with dementia, (for example, Saturday - Mandy will visit today), I found my mother used it to write down her thoughts as it was always on the table, to hand and accessible.

The large size seemed to encourage her to write.

Both of these suggestions work best if put in place well in advance, before they need to be relied upon.

Living with dementia suggests having a look at the following website for the calendar and clock - www.atdementia.org.uk   - or calling them at 0116 257 5017.

Jim Ellis, email
When going out for morning coffee or afternoon tea, tell the proprietor/assistant that the person you care for has dementia. Many people will empathise with you as they are speaking from experience of dementia themselves. Having found friendly places, visit them regularly.

David Stutt, Hull
In the film, Groundhog Day, every day is the same. This is how I felt when I cared for my mum. The problem was that although the days were more or less the same, some days were terrible. On these days I would go to bed dwelling on what a bad day it had been, and carry that feeling over to the next day.

Eventually, I realised this was no good, so decided that whatever sort of day it had been, in my mind I would wipe the slate clean and start each day afresh with a positive attitude. Sometimes, the positive feeling would last just a few seconds, but this went onto the new slate and was cleaned off at night.

I wouldn't want to give the impression that caring for Mum was an ordeal. I consider the eight years I spent looking after her very rewarding, and in hindsight I'm glad the opportunity came may way.

Royston Burton, Bournemouth
Recently, whilst 'downsizing', I found a box containing about 90 LP records. I looked through them and saw there were many that my wife and I had both enjoyed, so I chose a few I thought she would like.

The first I played was Sing something simple. Her dementia is very bad, but the records made an amazing difference. She started to smile, and to some she drummed her hand on the arm of her chair and tried to mouth some of the words.

It was lovely to see her reaction. Another LP I selected was Max Bygraves, and others which, for want of a better description, have 'catchy tunes'. To save me having to keep getting up to change the records, my son is transferring them onto CDs.

It is now a daily occurrence to have music at some time during the day, and it is nice to see my wife enjoying them.

M Armstrong, Tyne & Wear
Betty, my wife, has lost the ability to use a knife and fork, so to save any mess around the floor I help to feed her. Therefore, my tip is to try to eat your meal first, so that you are fed and watered and can concentrate on helping your partner in a relaxed frame of mind.

The other thing to remember is to 'back off'. If I'm helping Betty to get dressed and undressed and she decides not to co-operate, I return to the task ten minutes later.

However, some situations are 'thrust upon you', making the technique impossible. We use a swivel seat in the bath. I have to stand Betty up, asking her to place her hands around a grab rail so I can wash intimate areas. This method works, but when I ask her to sit down again, she won't let go of the rail.

You can't 'back off' for ten minutes in this precarious situation. You need two pairs of hands to solve the problem; one to hold her safely and one to prise her hands free.

Equally, when I apply facial hair remover cream on her chin and around her lips, you have to remove it before ten minutes have elapsed. Sometimes, Betty won't comply and knocks my hand away from her face.

I manage to dodge her hand and clear up the cream, but not as satisfactorily as I would like to. From a frustrated carer!