Living with dementia magazine March 2010

Rose Gowler has lived on her own since her husband died 30 years ago. She lives in a second floor flat in Tower Hamlets, and has lived in the borough all her life.

Rose Gowler celebrated her 92nd birthday in February. She has dementia and lives on her own in a flat in the London borough of Tower Hamlet.

When Rose first started experiencing memory problems, she was frustrated and would try hard to try to remember. Now, according to her daughter Susan, she has accepted that she can't remember and doesn't bother to try.

Thanks to good local authority support, Rose is able to manage living at home by herself. She has a carer, Elizabeth, who visits Rose three times a day. Elizabeth gets Rose up, washes and dresses her, and makes sure she takes her medication.

She also brings Rose the Mirror newspaper, as she enjoys doing the crossword every day, and invariably finishes it. Rose is also an excellent artist. As a young woman, she won a scholarship to Saint Martin's College of Art in London and went on to become a fashion artist. She still draws, and at the drop of a hat, can make excellent sketches of people who visit.

Asked about living alone in her flat, Rose says,

'I like living here. I can look out of the window and see what's happening outside. It's nice and bright; the sun shines on it all day long.

'I've got a chair on the balcony. I've got good neighbours, people who live opposite keep an eye on me. And it's handy for people to come and visit me.'

Elizabeth returns at lunchtime and again in the evening to ensure Rose's meals on wheels service has turned up and do any cleaning.

Rose relies on her diary to keep her informed about what is happening each day. She says,

'I can't remember a thing. I have to write everything down in my diary. I do the crossword and I look at the television. I do my tai chi every day to keep myself supple. I have a lay down in the afternoon. I manage alright.'

Twice a week, Rose attends a day centre, and once a month, an Alzheimer's Society memory group. Her daughter, Susan, who lives in the neighbouring borough of Hackney, visits her in the week. Every Sunday, she picks Rose up and drives her home for Sunday lunch. Rose also has a son, David.

Susan

Susan is 66, and has MS. She hasn't had to worry about her mum living alone thanks to the good support she has, and living reasonably close by means she can help out herself.

She says,

'I think with the right support you can live on your own with dementia for an awfully long time. Rose is very lucky living in Tower Hamlets where that care is available. She has the same carer all the time and Elizabeth is a wonderful woman. She could easily have a carer coming in four or five times a day if she needed it.

'Everyone involved in her care knows how to converse with Rose. When they ring up to tell her what they're planning, they ask Rose to get her diary and write the instructions in it while they're on the phone. They then ask her to read it back to them. It works well.'

However, Susan is concerned about the future because of her MS. She recently had a relapse and is worried that if she has another, she won't be able to support Rose as much as may be necessary.

She says,

'I can see Mum's living situation changing in future because my own situation is changing. I can't take Mum out anymore because I can't push the wheelchair myself since I had a bad relapse. I don't know if I'm going to go into another relapse.

'Both my brother and I feel she'd benefit from being in more sheltered accommodation where someone else would be on call 24 hours a day if she needed help. Her memory is extremely poor now and it seems to be getting worse by the minute.'

She can no longer go out on her own so relies on other people, and being a sociable person, extra sheltered accommodation would mean she would have ready company. Susan says Rose loves conversation and going out.

Rose would be fully involved in the decision. During discussions on the subject, she sometimes says she couldn't care less. Her thoughts on the day we met her were, 'Where would I move to? An old people's home or something? I'm alright here, aren't I?'

To watch a short film about Rose and hear more about her life, please visit alzheimers.org.uk/rosegowler